Investigating Hell: An Interview With Filmmaker Michael Moore

Michael Moore has slammed the auto industry, the gun industry, the healthcare industry, and the President of the United States. In his new film he takes on satan. He was kind enough to sit down with me for a lovely interview over tea and biscuit where he opened up for the first time abut his new film Way Hotter then Fareheiht 9/11, which is about what goes on behind the scenes of hell.

Why hell?
I like evil. I like to expose it, exploit it, and exaggerated it. Can’t get much more evil than hell, right?

I suppose, but really what can you expose? With your other films you took something that claimed to be innocent and showed how it was evil. No one has ever claimed that hell is anything but evil.
Everyone knows its evil, but I think people are still nonetheless fascinated by its back story. People want to know what makes satan and his people tick.

What do you think people will be most surprised by?
I think people will be surprised by how human satan is. He’s a good guy. I spent several days with him, and I really felt for him. I mean his soul is so tormented. What’s sad is he’s a good guy. He cooked dinner for me every night, and even tucked me in at night and read me bedtime stories.

Perhaps he was just trying to deceive you? I hear he’s pretty good at that.
That’s just a stereotype. This is the prince of darkness—if he wants to be an evil jerk to me, then who’s to stop him? One of the reasons he agreed to do be interviewed on camera was because he wanted people to see once and for all that he was an all around good guy.

So why’d did God caste him out of heaven? Seems like a funny thing to do to a nice person.
That was nothing more than a bad poker bet. Apparently satan thought he had a good hand, so he bet God his salvation. Turned out God had the better hand. Life’s a bitch that way sometimes—in fact that’s also the story behind the “Life’s a Bitch” t-shirt.

And that whole Garden of Evil bit? Was that just a misunderstanding?
Can you blame the guy for tempting them? He was lonely. He just wanted to get some humans into hell so he’d have someone to hang out with? He was especially open about this period in his life. He admitted that it was bad on his part. He was just immature, and he’s sorry for screwing up that whole freewill thing for humans.

I read that you became an atheist shortly after filming the documentary. Is that true?
It was actually before the film wrapped.

Why the transformation?
Well I had a lot of good talks with satan about theology, and I agreed with him on most of his points. Ultimately, I decided that I’d have a better time hanging out with satan for eternity than worshipping God.

So are you actually saying you don’t believe in God or that you don’t follow him?
At first I just didn’t follow him, but now I have lost all belief in him. As satan told me, ‘if there was a God, then why is there all the suffering?’

How can satan exist, but not God?
Seems like a paradox, no? One thing this film shows, however, is that satan is really God.

But I thought you were an atheist?
I don’t believe in that God.

But…
Don’t go there. The films going to answer all your questions.

Fine. Maybe we can go a little into the actual production of the film. How did you gain access to hell? It’s been pretty much off limits to everyone but Dante.
Dante’s a real jerk. He totally portrayed hell unrealistically. Basically what happened is I went to the Weinstein brothers, and I told them I had the idea for a movie about hell, but it wouldn’t work unless I could gain access into the dark kingdom. They thought it sounded like a great idea, and it turned out they were distantly related to satan. They made a few phone calls, and before I knew it, I was in.

What were your first impressions upon seeing hell?
Well I didn’t actually get into the real hell. Apparently you have to actually die for that. So what happen is satan took me to Yosemite, which, he says, is almost identical to the real hell. Basically he walked me through the national park and pointed out all the similarities.

So no burning lakes of fire?
Nope. Hell’s truly a paradise.

And you have no concerns that he was just trying to trick you? As an investigative reporter of sorts isn’t the first rule of journalism getting real evidence?
Why would he lie?

What’s he have to lose?
That’s just arrogance right there. He’s a good guy. When people see this movie they’ll finally know.