Child witch turned adult film star, Harry Potter, announced today in dramatic style that he has had yet another change of heart and become a born again Christian. His decision came after having a heart to heart with another bad boy turned good, Eminem (who himself became a Christian after his mother shot him in the chest at a Tokyo concert last year, and he reevaluated his life).
As a child, Harry was best known for his witchcraft. Life changed for Harry, however, on his 17th birthday when his witchcraft turned sour and Harry’s face became deformed while trying to make a potion for the ultimate zit cream. Harry went soul searching after the mishap, and ended up in Los Angeles with no money, no friends and no future.
In Los Angeles, unable to find work elsewhere, Harry answered the personal ad of an adult film director in search of a body double. Harry lied about his age and was hired by the director, and made his first appearance as a body double in the film Order of the Gigolo.
It was on the set of the movie that Harry met former United States President Bill Clinton, who himself had become an adult film star to meet unattractive women. Clinton turned Harry onto alcohol, and the two of them would spend long hours talking about how screwed up their lives were.
One night, while both Harry and Clinton were drunk, Clinton asked Harry, “Do you know what it’s like to have a wife for President? The press calls me the First Lady!” Harry, for reasons that he does not even know, said that he did no what it was like and the two got in a fight and never talked again (though Harry did work as Clintons body double for two films).
Not long after Harry’s shattered friendship with Clinton, Harry realized he had a drinking problem and entered a North Hollywood rehab clinic. On Harry’s second day at the clinic, Harry met Eminem in the reflection garden. Eminem was sitting Indian style next to the rose garden rapping to himself about a butterfly. Harry took a seat not far from the rapper and sighed loudly. Eminem, realizing immediately the troubles of Potter, sat next to Harry, put his arm around him, and said, “Friend, Jesus loves you.” Harry laughed and then turned to see that the person who had said this was his favorite rapper as a child. According to Potter’s telling of the story, he immediately said, “You’re the real slim shady!”
To which Eminem shook his head no, “I used to call myself that, but then I realized I was a fake. My wife left me, my mama tried to kill me, drugs wouldn’t help me, and then I found Jesus and I finally found life.” Harry asked Eminem to explain. When he did, Harry knew that he wanted Christ as well.
A new friendship blossomed between Eminem and Harry Potter. Harry cites him for beating the odds and finding his life again, and Eminem is now Harry’s accountability partner, and he is helping Harry make a new roadmap for his life.
Harry has asked Ticketmaster to sell tickets to his public baptism at Sea World early next week, and is also signing a deal to let Fox have the broadcasting rights. Harry says he wants to write the screenplay to his life, get E to do his true life Hollywood story, and then attend a Christian college and become a youth pastor or possibly a lead vocalist for a Christian punk rock group.