Just as Satan concluded it was all over for his Hollywood dynasty, MTV, a neutral party in the saga of good versus evil, offered to schedule a live action pay-per-view death match. Satan agreed immediately. MTV had to entice and tempt Felipe an entire afternoon before he agreed on the condition that MTV send out flyers to every Southern California conservative church to promote the event. He also wanted a free, live, webcast on his homepage as a favor to his Webmaster, whom he had broken-up with, but still remained friends with.
All the details had been arranged, but there had been one such detail overlooked. “Who will referee it?” Felipe asked at the official planning session.
“I know a Wicca witch who referees for the WWF on the weekends.” Satan’s assistant Billy said.
“That sounds a little biased.”
“Well what do you suggest?”
“Someone who doesn’t know what to believe when it comes to God.”
“How ‘bout a Hindu?”
“No, they believe God exists, they just get confused on which one of their gods he closest resembles.”
Everyone look at each other and no one disagrees.
“But where will we find one?
“Why don’t we get someone from Claremont? They’re doing a lecture on the historical Jesus there—there’s bound to be lots of agnostic there.”
“That’s perfect—and they have a big enough gym for a death match.”
So that’s how things got settled. Felipe would fight Satan in a MTV style death match at Claremont. It would be live action with all the proper lighting and glamorized to make it more real, and no one would actually die. The loser would be the one who cried first.